I tug at the clips until they snap together.
When the held breath is let go, my waistband feels like a truss. I haven’t worn this suit since the last funeral and I’ve put on a few pounds since then. There is no give in the material. My back begins to hurt, but I’ll just have to deal with the discomfort for a few hours because it’s time to say goodbye.
The drive is long and lonely. No music plays as snapshots of memories fill my mind. There are smiling faces in most of them.
She was a happy person, always friendly and welcoming. Many people will be there to say goodbye to this lovely woman who was the wife of my best friend.
Robin died last weekend.
They had love in that marriage. It was the kind of love that poems and songs are written about. It’s easy to forget that bonding like this between two people still happens, but it does. It was probably good that they met later in life, with much of the silliness of youth behind them. John was lucky to find her. Robin was lucky to find him. Their love affair lasted fifteen years.
They were inseparable, until now.
I find it impossible to think about her and their marriage without thinking of myself and mine. Of all the things that we yearn for in life, connectedness with another soul is the most important. We may not always remember this, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Sharing our lives with a special someone, being intimate with our thoughts and feeling safe when we are, and knowing that we face the world as one makes everything else seem trivial.
We had that once, and I believe that we still could, if only…
There is stubbornness in the world, lots of it. Marriage can be hard. There are plenty of opportunities in a relationship to inflict misery on one another. Hurt feelings are worn like badges of honor, but there is no honor in holding a grudge.
Funerals are a time for tears. For some, they are tears of mourning a lost love. For others, they are tears of having thrown love away. How impious it must seem to He who made us that couples should act in this way.
But they do.
Author Bio:
Ray Colon has written 136 posts on Ray's Blog.
He works with numbers for a living, but don't judge - boring accountants need love too. His blog has no niche (unless writing about things that are important to him is a niche). Some folks cringe when he gets “all political” on them, but he does it anyway when he's in that kind of mood. Sometimes, he writes something nice about someone, but you shouldn't get used to that. His first book, the one he hasn't written yet, is not available on Amazon. Subscribe to Ray's Blog via RSS or Email.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent Blog Ray! In fact, I pulled a couple of quotes from it and posted them to facebook they were:
“There is stubbornness in the world, lots of it. Marriage can be hard. There are plenty of opportunities in a relationship to inflict misery on one another. Hurt feelings are worn like badges of honor, but there is no honor in holding a grudge.”
“Of all the things that we yearn for in life, connectedness with another soul is the most important. We may not always remember this, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Blessings!
Terry
Hi Terry,
Thank you so much. I saw your Facebook posts. It’s not often that I’m quoted — I like it.
Sometimes, I’ll write a line and think, “That’s it! That’s the one,” but no one mentions it, so it’s great that you picked up on one of them today and shared it (grudge badge).
Coolness,
Ray
Hi Ray,
As always, beautiful post. It makes me want to cry. I’m sorry for your loss.
Tristan
Hi Tristan,
Thanks. I started this post on Monday, but even though I worked on it each day since, I couldn’t get it finished. It just wasn’t right. That’s odd for such a short post. If it made you want to cry, the extra time was well spent.
Ray
I’m so sorry for your loss, Ray. I’m glad that John has a friend who understands just what he had with his wife. I’m sure you will be a great comfort to him.
Thanks Margaret,
His family is near, and they are close, so he’s getting the support he needs. It’s always difficult to know what to say.
Ray
In most instances, the best thing to say is nothing at all. The standard phrases we use at such times really don’t bear the weight of grief and loss. The best thing you can do for your best friend is simply be there, to let him talk or not. Be there, remembering Robin with him, remembering the love they shared with him, remembering your fondness for her with him.
May her memory be eternal.
Hi Alicia,
I’ve found that to be true also — listening instead of talking, but I have met some people who always seem to know just what to say and how to say it. It’s a gift.
Ray
Hi Ray,
A beautifully written post. My condolences on the loss of your friend, Robin.
Hi Lyn,
Thanks for the compliment and for you good thoughts.
Ray
I’m so sorry your friend has lost his wife… and sorry for your feelings of bereavement too. Curious things come to mind – particularly connections – as you’ve written about here. Difficult to think of someone losing a partner, spouse, loved one and not think of ones own relationships.
Hello Val,
Thank you. It is curious how the mind works. As I sat and waited for the service to begin, and even as the priest spoke, it was difficult to stay focused as the mind wandered.
Ray